{"id":344,"date":"2025-04-07T17:14:20","date_gmt":"2025-04-07T17:14:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wickedsister.evit.com.au\/index.php\/2025\/04\/07\/im-surviving-not-inspiring\/"},"modified":"2025-04-07T17:14:20","modified_gmt":"2025-04-07T17:14:20","slug":"im-surviving-not-inspiring","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wickedsister.evit.com.au\/index.php\/2025\/04\/07\/im-surviving-not-inspiring\/","title":{"rendered":"I\u2019m Surviving, Not Inspiring"},"content":{"rendered":"

I can\u2019t tell you how many times since I started using a wheelchair people have called me inspirational<\/em>, or given me that \u201coh, bless her heart (for living)\u201d look I\u2019ve come to absolutely despise.<\/p>\n

Thinking about it this morning, I wondered\u2014what is it that makes me inspirational now<\/em> that I\u2019m in a chair?<\/p>\n

I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in 2004.
Nobody called me inspirational back when I was living with an \u201cinvisible\u201d disability\u2014working full time, managing the house (cleaning, laundry, bills, life, etc.), raising two little boys, and juggling all the extracurricular chaos.
Back then, people treated me like everyone else.
Before my illness became visible<\/em>.<\/p>\n

So what is it about a wheelchair that earns me a badge of inspiration?<\/p>\n

I do far less<\/em> now than I did before.
I need help with things most people take for granted\u2014getting out of bed, using the bathroom, getting dressed.
I wouldn\u2019t be alive without the care my husband provides.
(And no, he\u2019s not a saint for taking care of me. He\u2019s just a decent human being\u2014my partner, not my savior.)<\/p>\n

We\u2019re both ordinary people doing our best with a shitty hand we didn\u2019t get to choose.<\/p>\n

So again: what, exactly, am I inspiring in people?
Survival? Endurance?
Pity, dressed up as admiration?<\/p>\n

If people knew I pray for death more days than not, would they still find me inspiring?
If they knew how much I hate<\/em> every fucking day I spend watching life pass me by\u2014would that ruin the moment?<\/p>\n

Am I inspirational because I smile in spite of the chair that now defines me?
Because according to the dictionary, to inspire<\/em> means to fill someone with hope or encouragement.<\/p>\n

So what is it?
Do I encourage you because, seeing me, your life suddenly doesn\u2019t seem so bad?
Do I push you to live more fully, because you\u2019re afraid you\u2019ll end up like me?<\/p>\n

Because that\u2019s not the kind of inspiration I ever wanted to be.<\/p>\n

The only people I\u2019ve ever cared to inspire are my children.
I didn\u2019t grow up chasing the spotlight.
I don\u2019t want special attention.
I just want to blend into the crowd like everyone else.<\/p>\n

So maybe next time you see someone like me, don\u2019t call them inspirational.
Just say hello.
Ask how they are.
Let them be<\/em>.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s the real grace: letting people exist without needing to make their pain poetic.<\/p>\n

So again\u2014what exactly is it about me in a wheelchair that makes people feel hopeful? Encouraged? Inspired<\/em>?<\/p>\n

Is it because you think you<\/em> couldn\u2019t do it?
Because seeing me like this makes you hold your comfort a little tighter?<\/p>\n

Maybe it\u2019s easier to label me \u201cinspirational\u201d than to face the terrifying truth that life can flip on a dime\u2014and no amount of yoga, kale, or positive affirmations will stop it.<\/p>\n

Maybe calling me inspirational makes my suffering easier to digest.
A tidy frame around a picture you’d rather not look at.<\/p>\n

\u201cLook at her go,\u201d you say.
But I\u2019m just\u2026 getting through the fucking day.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t want to be your reminder to be grateful.
I don\u2019t want to be your silver lining.
I don\u2019t want to be anyone\u2019s feel-good story.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not here to give your life context or meaning.
My pain isn\u2019t your moral compass.<\/p>\n

You know what would<\/em> inspire me?<\/p>\n

A world that stops pretending disability is tragic.
A culture that stops treating caretaking like sainthood.
A society that doesn\u2019t need visible suffering to validate someone\u2019s struggle.<\/p>\n

You want to be inspired?
Learn to treat disabled people like full human beings\u2014with desire, rage, humor, flaws, dreams, boredom, sexuality, intelligence, and goddamn agency.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t slap the word inspiration<\/em> on us like a sticker that makes you<\/em> feel better.<\/p>\n

The only people I want to impress are the ones I love.
The ones who see<\/em> me. All of me.
Not just the chair. Not just the smile. Not just the survival story.<\/p>\n

Because I don\u2019t want a pedestal. I want a place at the table.<\/p>\n

So maybe\u2014just maybe\u2014the most radical, revolutionary thing you can do…
is let me be ordinary<\/em>.
Let me be human<\/em>.
And love me anyway.<\/p>\n

The post I\u2019m Surviving, Not Inspiring<\/a> first appeared on My Self-healing Journey<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Source: myselfhealingjourney.com<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I can\u2019t tell you how many times since I started using a wheelchair people have called me inspirational, or given me that \u201coh, bless her heart (for living)\u201d look I\u2019ve come to absolutely despise. Thinking about it this morning, I wondered\u2014what is it that makes me inspirational now that I\u2019m in a chair? I was…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":0,"featured_media":345,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[11,15,9,8,13,14,12,10],"class_list":["post-344","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-multiple-sclerosis-research","tag-brain-repair","tag-marburg-type-ms","tag-ms","tag-multiple-sclerosis","tag-myelin","tag-neuroregeneration","tag-oligodendrocyte","tag-remyelination"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wickedsister.evit.com.au\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/344","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wickedsister.evit.com.au\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wickedsister.evit.com.au\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wickedsister.evit.com.au\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=344"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/wickedsister.evit.com.au\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/344\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wickedsister.evit.com.au\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/345"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wickedsister.evit.com.au\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=344"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wickedsister.evit.com.au\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=344"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wickedsister.evit.com.au\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=344"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}