{"id":388,"date":"2021-06-14T13:00:00","date_gmt":"2021-06-14T13:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wickedsister.evit.com.au\/index.php\/2021\/06\/14\/flying-my-fatigue-flag\/"},"modified":"2021-06-14T13:00:00","modified_gmt":"2021-06-14T13:00:00","slug":"flying-my-fatigue-flag","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wickedsister.evit.com.au\/index.php\/2021\/06\/14\/flying-my-fatigue-flag\/","title":{"rendered":"Flying My Fatigue Flag"},"content":{"rendered":"

I tried not to make eye contact with her in the elevator while I pushed the button for the floor directly above us. I knew that it was bound to happen sooner or later, and I hoped that by not looking at her, she wouldn\u2019t engage. But it did happen. It only happened just that once, but it was enough to make me feel about an inch tall.
 <\/strong>
\u201cYou\u2019re so lazy!\u201d she exclaimed. It was meant as a joke, but she wasn\u2019t exactly known around the office for being timid or tactful. Joke or not, I immediately went on the defensive. She didn\u2019t know I didn\u2019t sleep well the night before. She didn\u2019t know I could\u2019ve (and would\u2019ve) climbed the stairs, just one floor up, but I chose to conserve my waning energy instead.<\/p>\n

\u201cI have a disability,\u201d I spat back, still avoiding eye contact.<\/p>\n

And there it was. That was the first time I used that word when referring to myself.<\/p>\n

Sure, I click the \u201cI have a disability\u201d box in the EOE section of job applications, but I\u2019d never said it out loud until that moment.<\/p>\n

I have a hard time relating to the \u201cD-word,\u201d but I was looking for a quick way to end the conversation.<\/p>\n

But in looking for a way to escape the confrontation, I completely missed an opportunity for a real conversation, a chance to explain why I don\u2019t look sick. I overlooked an opportunity to educate someone about my multiple sclerosis.<\/p>\n

I chose to run.<\/p>\n

These opportunities don\u2019t present themselves nearly enough, and we need to take advantage of these precious few moments to shove this invisible illness into the spotlight.<\/p>\n

This disease is nothing to be ashamed of or to hide behind. Yes, the woman\u2019s comment was rude and stung a little bit, but partially because it forced me to admit something to myself that I didn\u2019t want to.<\/p>\n

I have a disability. And it\u2019s an invisible one. For now.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t look sick\u2013both a blessing and a curse.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s now a permanent part of me. And I need to own it.<\/p>\n

Sure, I run a blog centered around living with MS, and I fly my flag just as high on social media, but I also have the luxury of a screen to hide behind. No one gets to see the bad and the ugly. How can I realistically expect anyone to be able to relate or empathize or understand if I pretend everything is roses and rainbows all the time? I\u2019m not invincible, and that\u2019s okay<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

When the time came for me to consider getting a parking placard, the decision didn\u2019t come easy. I didn\u2019t want the judgement. I didn\u2019t want to feel like I have to explain myself. And I didn\u2019t want to admit that it was time.<\/p>\n

A parking placard won\u2019t be the last tough realization I\u2019ll need to have. But somehow, ever since then, I feel like a great weight has been lifted. I don\u2019t feel like I\u2019m hiding anymore, smiling and repeating again and again through gritted teeth: \u201cI\u2019m fine.\u201d<\/p>\n

A handicapped parking placard. Baby steps.<\/p>\n

I am<\/strong> fine, though. Finally. I\u2019m fine with this thing that is part of me. I\u2019m fine with me.<\/p>\n

And if the people around me truly care about me, they\u2019ll be fine with me, too.<\/p>\n

So. My name is Cat. And I have multiple sclerosis.<\/strong><\/p>\n

This article was authored by Cat Stappas and originally published on the National Multiple Sclerosis Society’s blog, MSConnection.org, on July 11, 2017.\u00a0\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Source: itsonlyabruise.com<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I tried not to make eye contact with her in the elevator while I pushed the button for the floor directly above us. I knew that it was bound to happen sooner or later, and I hoped that by not looking at her, she wouldn\u2019t engage. But it did happen. It only happened just that…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":0,"featured_media":389,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[11,15,9,8,13,14,12,10],"class_list":["post-388","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-multiple-sclerosis-research","tag-brain-repair","tag-marburg-type-ms","tag-ms","tag-multiple-sclerosis","tag-myelin","tag-neuroregeneration","tag-oligodendrocyte","tag-remyelination"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wickedsister.evit.com.au\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/388","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wickedsister.evit.com.au\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wickedsister.evit.com.au\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wickedsister.evit.com.au\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=388"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/wickedsister.evit.com.au\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/388\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wickedsister.evit.com.au\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/389"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wickedsister.evit.com.au\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=388"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wickedsister.evit.com.au\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=388"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wickedsister.evit.com.au\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=388"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}