It has been a long time since I last wrote, and I have several reasons for finding it difficult. First, I have been experiencing vision issues. I do not understand the reason, but my vision is clear in the morning, but worsens as the day goes on. This has persisted for several weeks. I thought it was MS-related, but my neurologist thinks that it could be something different, but cannot say the cause. My visit to her on Thursday, as usual, left me discouraged and frustrated. Although I was reluctant to go, she heavily questioned my lack of recent MRIs and bloodwork while on Gilenya. She implied it was my fault, but seemed unaware that MRIs are extremely expensive, and I currently lack insurance. She suggested that not getting the yearly MRIs puts my health at risk and questioned whether Gilenya is right for me if I cannot comply. I mean, who is supposed to order the MRI? It is not something I can order myself, and she has not ordered one in a few years. Of course, I have not been into the office in the past few years either. Needless to say, I left my appointment in tears.
Anytime there is talk about changing my treatment plan, I feel upset because I believe Gilenya is preventing my MS from getting worse. I trust that most doctors are knowledgeable and want the best for their patients. Unfortunately, costs and insurance often influence medical decisions, especially in the United States. Sometimes, it seems like money matters more than patient interests. While I respect medical expertise, I know my own body best after 44 years of living with it, and ultimately, I must make my own decisions.
Unfortunately, I did not get any answers from my MS Specialist about my recent vision issues, and I still struggle to see clearly later in the day. I think my next step in figuring out why my vision is not behaving is to go see my eye doctor, which is not as bad as the neurologist, and he has a personality. Chances are the vision disturbances have to do with dry eyes or, hopefully, nothing too serious. It probably would have been less of an emotional catastrophe if I had gone to my eye doctor first and continued to avoid the neurologist, but what’s done is done, and I cannot change it now.
The other reason I have not been writing lately is that I have been reading fiction books. While my vision has created challenges, I find it harder to see a computer screen, but easier to see the words in a book. It sounds insane, but it has been what I have been dealing with for several weeks. With too much negativity lingering in the real world, reading fiction books has offered me an escape from the additional stress. While stress is terrible for everyone, stress is exceptionally harsh for people living with Multiple Sclerosis because the two are a toxic combination. For more than a year, I have read more than twenty books, with only two being nonfiction.
Of course, writing can be beneficial for releasing stress, and it should be easy to avoid the toxicity of the news, but my husband watches a lot of the news. Much of the time, while he watches different news outlet stories, I can ignore them because I am focused on the book in my hand. News stories that are extremely difficult for me are those regarding Epstein and his friends and political nonsense. Reading has helped me tune out the noise of reality. Although I have always enjoyed writing, it has been too challenging due to my vision, and I want to spread positivity; finding the positive in life has been nearly impossible.
The month of March is Multiple Sclerosis Awareness Month. For millions of people around the world living with Multiple Sclerosis, March serves as a way to help others understand this incurable illness. I have lived with Multiple Sclerosis for more than half of my life, and there are various challenges involved with this condition. The symptoms are different for each individual, and no two people will experience the same exact issues, but one thing we all endure is that there is no cure. Conditionals that do not offer cures can be very frustrating. One thing I will never forget is the fear that consumed me when I was first diagnosed at nineteen years old, and that fear lingers in my mind to this day. Of course, logically, I understand my fear of being in a wheelchair may never happen, and even if it does, I will still be alive and find a way to deal with the challenges.
Thank you for visiting my site today! I hope you have a lovely weekend, and you can do something special just for yourself. I am trying to decide how to handle the vision issues, so it will be easier for me to write more. I want to ask you an important question to think about. What has been the best lesson you have learned so far in your life? I have learned that there are many things you cannot control, but must learn to survive this life. I never asked to have Multiple Sclerosis, but I know it could be worse than it is now. As always, I look forward to reading your comments and will respond as quickly as possible. Please never forget I am always sending y’all LOTS of love
, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes
!
Always, Alyssa
Source: fightmsdaily.wordpress.com